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Packages Lost Prior to Roy

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Packages Lost Nowadays

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Customer Satisfaction (May Not be Accurate)

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Postal Worker Satisfaction

Look.  Before I came along, this company was in shambles.  Easily over 80% of packages would get hijacked by space pirates on their way from one planet to another.  How do companies and people even operate that way?  It’s really dumb.

So I set up this new system.  Free enterprise.  Whoever delivers the package gets the cash.  Other postal workers can use any means necessary to deliver that package themselves.

Ain’t no space pirates going to mess with your package when there’s a bunch of bloodthirsty mailmen cutting a huge swathe of carnage across the cosmos.

Roy Sharpton

Postmaster General, Intergalactic Postal Service

Why in the world would you risk life and limb for a job?  Let’s look at it this way:

Right now you wake up.  Put your pants on.  You drive an hour in miserable traffic.  You clock in.  Most of your day you stare into space or chat around the water cooler.  Anything to pass the time.  Make the check.  Pay your bills.  Maybe put away some for retirement one day.  If you aren’t laid off first.  You drive back.  You eat dinner.  You go to bed.  Don’t be loud.  Don’t smell.  Do not run with the wolves.  Be quiet.  Do your job.  Pay the bills.

You know, meanwhile your kid is playing some video game.  He’s on a 20 kill deathstreak.  He is hyped up on caffeine and feels like a boss.  He is alive.

What if there was a way to take that blissful joy of your son, and supplant that in your daily life?  And get paid for it?  Make what YOU want to make.

The Intergalactic Postal Service is not for everyone.  It is for the rare denizens of this galaxy who have had enough of society, and want something more.

Some do not make it.  It is not an easy job.  But it is the only one that can make you feel alive.